How to be nice without being exploited? Keys of being assertive
There is no need to give up the niceness. We always prefer nice people around. Yet, a nice person must be assertive in order not to be exploited. Assertiveness is the ability to express ourselves and defend our rights without hurting others. There is something very liberating and non-violent about this ability once you choose to strengthen it. Here are the keys of being assertive:
- Some people will not like us - No matter what we do, no matter what we say, some people will not like us. You cannot make everyone happy, even though it is a noble aspiration. There are those who will interpret things you do in a negative way and we cannot always change it.
- It's OK to say no - that's true. Sometimes we have the feeling that if we say "no", someone might be offended and sometimes they would really be. However, only the automatic "yes" can make us do things that we do not really want to do and if the equation is 'their emotion' versus 'harming us,' you should know that sometimes it is better that their emotion is harmed.
- Feelings of guilt is not a good reason - it is easy to squeeze a nice person to do something through his guilt feelings. However, you can call it extortion. It is important that we consider what it means that we are required to do and understand if it serves. Only then decide whether to do.
- We are allowed to express feelings, desires, and opinions - it is very easy to assume that if we express ourselves, someone might be hurt. Only if we think a moment before we talk can we put it another way. One that will express our opinion without disqualifying the views of others. And to throw the word "but" from our lexicon.
- Our language influences our thinking - sometimes, people use apologetic expressions such as "Sorry I ...". Or "hope I do not ...". They're sure it's polite. However, overuse of these expressions makes us seem to be subdued and teaches our subconscious that we really are.
- Assertiveness is the sister of decisiveness - it is very difficult to stand on our own when we are not decisive because it's very easy to convince us otherwise. That is why it is very important to strengthen our ability to decide and to stand behind our decisions fully. Only afterward, to express them.
- Learn to say thank you - even nice people are allowed to get a compliment and recognition of what they did. It is not arrogant to say "thank you". On the contrary, it is cowardly to return a compliment automatically just to not feel obligated. It is more than fine to receive a compliment and recognition especially if we really made it.
- Choose our battles - there is no obligation to express ourselves on any subject. There are topics that if we express ourselves in them, we will gain nothing. Sometimes we even lose. Therefore, it is important that we focus on expressing our opinions on issues that are really important to us.
Conclusion: It's very easy to be assertive once you're devoted to it. Say no and smile politely and do not let others push you and avoid pushing others. Eventually, others will gain more respect for you. Remember that to read articles is not enough. That's just the theory. Now, it is time to start implementing.